Saturday, June 28, 2008

postage and donkatrotomy

For the past couple of months I have been doing well on my posts (clearly a perspective thing) If you consider the frequency of posting a good thing, as opposed to the quality of a post. . .(something I am not about to touch.)

Anyhow, I missed the Donkament last night when I took my lovely bride out to dinner and to a movie. The company was wonderful, but I still missed the donketrotomy. Donketrotomy shall be defined as that good time had by friends turning cards and chips with other friends and compatriots while good humor, laughs and good times are generally are shared by all despite the appearance of a good hand, bad hand, good flop, bad flop, suckout, suck job, blow job or hand job, or any other poker, or non-poker happening. The main objective being the sharing of a good time, poker prowess, on such an occasion is purely secondary.

That being said, I do look forward to the Tuckfard events on Monday. Come join us for a doo time, a yabba doo time, a yabba dabba doo time.. . . enough, don't want to step on anybody's lines here.

Event: Tuckfard ! (NLHE 7pm) and Tuckfard II (HORSE 8pm)
password (with reminder hint): muhctim is a (fill in the blank).

If you said Donkey, and have $3.50 in your bankroll, well then, you can pull up a chair at maybe not the most prestigious events to be found, but certainly two of the top three good times you will have anywhere in the cyberworld of donketrotomy!!! Good time guaranteed or all laughs will be refunded!!!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The more I do this. . .

The more I do this the more I realize the less I know. That is to say, I kind of feel silly writing anything at all most of the time. I think there is a parallel between my poker acumen ( poor choice of word) and these blogomorphic spasms that I call posts.. . .I am not really that good at either. However, I persevere at both. And every once in a while, I stumble upon a phrase, or I put together a couple of hands. . .the stars and the moon fall into line, and. . .MEDIOCRITY prevails!!! I approach good only in the eyes of Hunter and Callie. They greet me each evening with big yelps and kisses knowing that their supper dishes will soon be full. The only thing they ask in return is to share a few of their fleas with me. To be quite honest, sometimes that is good enough.

Thanks for stoppin by, Ya'll come back now, ya hear!

Thursday, June 19, 2008


Discipline experiment 4--I run my JJ into an A9. fucking 2 9's hit the board-the second on the river. I should know better than to play that shit. I am a fuckin loser. Nobody in his right mind plays JJ against A9--just assholes like me. . .and to beat all, it was the same person who caught the 8:1 shot and put me out w/ hi pocket JJ v. my pocket AA. I remained disciplined--not splashing chips around on donkey shit, but wtf. . .this one hurts. Again with the fuckin JJ==bain of my exisence. I surrender.. .put a fork in me, I am done. JJ is not in my range, even when the flop comes 973. No whining or disrespect aimed at TBA, but whoever is in charge of the card gods this month--fuck you, I do not appreciate your sense of humor.

Thanks for stoppin by, (unless you are a card god) ya'll come back now, ya hear.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


Tuckfard I--1st
Tuckfard II -- 2d

A real accomplishment of donkorific heights. I can see it now: Guest appearance on Hee Haw; All expenses trip down the Chattahotchie river with Ned Beattie, Honorary Donk of the month. Sometimes life is good on the bottom of the heap... and don't be fooled, you don't get much more bottomer than me of late. Here's lookin up atcha. In all reality, I always have such a good time playing in these events, I have to thank the hosts and the participants. Great conversation, humor and fun. Till next time. . .

Thanks for stoppin by, Ya'll come back now, ya hear.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Donk of the Week (runner-up)

WooHoo. I finnished second in the Donkament. I am the Runner-up Donkey of the week. Now you may not realize it, but this is a very important spot in the world of donketrotamy. If for any reason the Donk of the week should not be able to carry out the duties of the crown, well then, those duties would fall to the RUD. Just how likely is that to happen, you may ask. Remember, it wasn't too long ago where a donkey of the week (who shall remain nameless) had to step down when it was revealed that he had spent the night in the stables of a horse that belonged to another rider. Oh the shame. Then there was that donkey who in a moment of indiscretion had posed for Horseboy in those compromising positions with that cow. I hear there may have been some monkeys involved. . that was really embarassing. You know, if I am not mistaken, in order to avoid all of the bad publicity, I think they may have moved to Youranus. Then again, you'd have to ask mayor BamBam about that. I am sure their names have been changed to protect the, well you know. . . . So what I am saying is, should Bay falter. . .I'll be there.

Thanks for stoppin by, ya'll come back now, you hear!

Friday, June 13, 2008

the Fawkin Card Gods are Fawkin Maniacs

Experiments in discipline game 2: Riverchasers. Very light turn out, I hang around very patiently only playing top starting hands as I am required by my self imposed lesson in discipline. Discipline be damned, second hour, I catch h AA, and, what else, IGH. Do not pass go, do not collect the double up. Nope, give up all of your chips and get the fuck out of here; gg and thanks for donating, sucker!!! Some one else has JJ. The same JJ that I got to go home with at the MATH on Monday. Only this time the fuckin cards gods give up the 8:1 shot when the jacks are against me. My fuckin JJ wasn't even stacked against higher pockets in my first race; the other A was flopped. I suck. I suck. I suck, but I don't suck out. . . .any how, I am, and was actually, over this about 5 mins after it happened. My mission is to learn discipline, even when taking or giving bad beats. . . make the right choices--which I did both times, though I came up short. I just think this is kind of funny... My vitriolic tantrum.

If you are ever involved in a hand with me and you have pocket JJ--take it to the bank. If you suspect me of having JJ, shoot me in the head, and make it painful.

Thanks for stoppin by, ya'll come back now, ya hear!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

First Tourney Experiment

I played in the MATH last night. I did have to adjust my starting hand requirements to account for the six handed format. But I was able to play disciplined according to my goal for the most part. I did eventually finish 5 out of 15. I was low man, hovering at about 10 BBs when I woke up with JJ. Not a bad hand for my position and relative low stack. As it turned out I got all my chips in with the best hand in a classic race situation. Kat called with AQo there was an A somewhere in the flop, so IGH. Not altogether happy, but not altogether disappointed either.

I will play one more blogger event this week. Probably the Skills or Riverchasers, as they start earlier, but with the number of entrants being low right now the 10:00 pm start in the Mookie should allow me to get to bed by midnight. Same strategy--not necessarily to win, but to remain disciplined though the whole tourney. This is, for me, a lesson in self patience and discipline.

As always, thanks for stoppin by, ya'll come back now, you hear!

Monday, June 9, 2008

Humbling Sports: an exercise in ego deflation

Golf is a humbling sport. Poker, on the other hand is a humiliating sport. I started playing in the blogger tournaments to see how I stood. I can confidently say after six months, I stand in muck!!! Not the good kind of muck where I might have had the common sense to fold a hand I knew to be beat. No the nasty, smelly muck that filled mid-evil streets and burns the nostrils and makes children hide under the covers and on lookers cringe when I pay off that hand that I never had a shot at.

I am going to try an experiment in my next ten tourneys. I will not enter a hand unless I have a top 10% starting hand (blinds excepted). I will make myself be patient, I will attempt to learn discipline, to the extent that I will allow myself to blind out before I will enter with a less than what I am allowed to. I will not donk off with top pair, and I will not put my chips in a pot if I do not absolutley believe I am ahead. I will loosin up the starting requirements only when I have >7 bbs. I will also cut down my play to 1 or 2 per week.

I have been playing in the 90/3.3/mtt. It can be a donkfest, and for a long time I avoided it because I am susceptible to following the bad plays I see with bad plays of my own. However, in my past ten (which I will not attempt to analyze here) I have cashed in 5 (1-2d, 1-3d, 1-5th, 1- 8th , 1-9th). The last twenty 3.3s I have attempted to instill somewhat of the discipline I describe above, to varying degrees of success. There are a lot of good hands that get beat by better hands, suckout or no suckout. If someone wants to pay for all seven cards, they get to play all seven cards, no matter what kind of crap they start with. I always try to keep that in the back of my mind. Sometimes it stops me from tilting so fast.

Thanks for stoppin by, ya'll come back now, ya hear!

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Games 9, 10, and 11

Well, what the hell do results have to do with making the right decisions?? I haven't the foggiest. But looking back the one thing this exercise has pointed me toward doing is trying to make the right decisions each time. I was fairly consistent about getting my money in with the best cards. They just didn't hold up all the time. Some of those times, my stack was so short that the would be caller was getting the event odds of knocking me out. I can pretty consistently get to the booobulous table. I gotta have some chips when I get there, or I'm mostly chum.


Game 9 saw me as chip leader while there were still well over 50 players. My pocket A's got help, and I beat out pocket k's and pocket 9's (which also got help). I finished in 9th position. . .cha ching, ha ha. There were some hands I coulda played that as it turned, I woulda held. However, I got super tight, if for no other reason, to make the final table. I got there with the second lowest amount of chips and was quickly put into an all or nothing situation. I lost, but it was certainly a moral victory to cash.

Game 10 (5th place) The highlight play was when my Ah, 10h saw a two hearts on the flop with a 7h, 3h, 9x. 3 people are in with me, and I am faced with pushing in most of my stack. (over 9k in pot, I have 2.5 k and needing to call 1k to stay in. I push, two go away, the 1k calls and shows Q9 os. I hit an A on the river and get a lecture from the caller about chasing an A. I told him I was chasing the heart, because I had a nut flush draw and I thought the pot odds were right, not to mention I had a gutshot straight. Anyhow, I played it tight and aggressive from there and worked my way to 5th, Incidentally, I was knocked out when my AA lost to chip leader's kk that got help on the flop. At that point I was well below the rest of the field. If I had doubled up, I would still been in 5th, though only a few thousand chips woulda separated the 2nd through 5th.

So 5.62 + 18.00 = 23.62. That makes me a loser with a small "l". Practice it with me now: Go to the mirror. Put your hand on you forehead palm toward you. Bring your fingers into a fist and leave the single center finger up. There you have it. Loser with a "small L". You know I have noticed people making this gesture in my honor in all kinds of places. . .traffic jams, Family Court buildings (mostly by the "losing" party toward the prevailing party), teenagers (toward their parents, when they think they are not looking), and President Bush toward the entire US population (oh well, not gonna go into that any further, I think Rupert Murdoch and that Chaney kid mighta been egging him on).

Game 11 (3.3) Feeling confident from the cash roll that I have been experiencing, I decide to play a bonus game. Damn if I don't finish in 6th place. I gotta be honest, it seemed easier than any of the others, maybe because I was not feeling the pressure of being 0 for 8. I played fairly tight. Didot go to war with anything less than trips, my QQ held up twice, my KK was beaten by a stack that was being blinded out, so it didnt hurt too much. My sooted connectors, and my A, Face, and my medium pair hole cards made me some chips in the booobulous zone. It was actually kind of fun.

So, thanks for stoppin by, ya'll come back now, ya hear!

Monday, June 2, 2008

poker 10 continued

Monday night I was able to attempt to continue the 10 90 person sng experiment. This is taking longer than expected because I have to pay penance for being on vacation for two weeks. Ah well, work is kind of fun right now. The two weeks off was just what I needed.

Anyhow, Monday night I played in a $1.25 sng. I lasted almost 3 hours. I started at 5:45. TF ! started at 7, I was still in, and so were 40 0f my brethren. At that point I had doubled my stack. While it took a while I was able to coast in for a $1.98 win. Let me Tell you what I am gonna do with that bounty. . . . Actually, part of my deal with this is to take it serious and not play more than one at a time--for good or bad, so this one, I am not counting this one.

Game 5: I just got the opportunity to play another 3.3 ko this morning. As I type I am on break 21st out of 29 remaining. . .oh, oh break over. no hands bring me to 16 out of 16 22 in the sb held up, kind of, I suck out 4 hearts to go with my 2 of hearts, now 13 out of 14, and not looking good. as I lose my connection. Screw it!!! am going to work. Oops connection is back. . . and I went out in 12th without a whimper. . .actually got to play an AJ Soooted for my last 2700 chips, woohoo.--I am beginning to believe I suck at this. So far 4 x 3.3 + 1.25 spent/ Big goose eggs coming back.

Game 6: (3.3)fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck, shit, fuck, fuck. 41 players left (I am 20th). I am in bb w/Q10h, 5 players call, K93h flop. I bet pot. all fold but 1, he raises, I jump all in. he calls and shows 33 (fucking idiot knew he needed a miracle) K on turn, fuck me good bye. I only played 4 hands, to that point--tight, played them all strong when I had the chance. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, ouch, fuck!!!!!!

Game 7: (3.3) am starting this game right after the last fiasco. . .new fiasco AA knocks out my KK Did I mention that I suck. the AA slow played it masterfully though, I am jealous (the best compliment I know). The flop gave me top pair and four flush I thought I got me chips in with the best hand. I never even had a sniff. Did I mention that I suck. Not in a homosexual way. No, at least then I could enjoy the fact that I suck. No, I suck in the miserable little way that only a hopeless wanna be a better on line poker player but can't even turn the computer on. Hell, it aint even that good, I should be so lucky as to not be able to turn the computer on.

Game 8: (3.3) this is becoming silly. just after first hour break, I get my chips in with pocket 6's flop comes 6d 10d x. I get called next card is no help to either I go AI, .. my opponent comes in shows 7d8d and river brings 9 d for straight fluck (a hybrid of the words Flush and fuck--meaning more specifically, fuck me)